phrobot

Hate every single thing about your disgusting existence. The world  be a much better place without you and people just like you.

I guess what I've been so afraid of all this time has been a version of myself that no longer exists.

Just. . . need to vent

 

I've felt a little stressed lately. I'm terrible at venting unless im doing it verbally to some one i've let get close to me. So bare with me who ever you may be. So i'm just going to spit this all out in the ugly fashion it pours from my brain.

So first I guess I had a fight with one the only person (outside of my family) that I feel close enough to talk to honestly and openly. Bryan has deffinitly has some control issues. He tends to have no respect for my bounderies and a strong desire to force not only his ideas and beliefs on me, but his will as well. No does not mean no to bryan. He's my friend though.

 

So he invited me to dinner twice. The first invite I excepted. This was for our mutual friends birthday. I didn't sit next to bryan and I could tell he was becoming upset that I wasn't paying him enough attention. He asked my at the end of the night if I was mad. I told him that I wasn't. This was an honest answer. A few nights later he invited me to a dinner in orlando. It was on a tuesday night. I said no because I had to work the next day. Not just normal hours. I had to go in early for overtime. He become upset and insisted that I go. I said bryan I said no, and if you keep pushing I will be upset with you. He blew up at me to which I responded honestly that I was in bed and didn't have time for temper tantrums. (probably could have said that nicer) Any way we despite my attempts we haven't talked in over a month.

 

 

So here I am without a confidont. Again, I have my family but I feel like its unhealthy to not have other people in my life. All the sudden I feel out of balance. I had a date lined up at this point and that made me feel completely off balance. Yuck. I don't want to be that person that I only has there partner. To much dependency in that.

 

Next. My dad does pay for the large majority of the bills, but hes started to need to borrow money more and more and paying fewer and fewer of the pills that are in my name. Now if he didn't smoke two pack a day and drink constantly i'd probably feel a lot better about forking over the money. Now this is my own fault. I knew he was snake before he bit me and at this point in my life not only should I not need to, but I should know not to trust, relying on other people. Not like this any way. Still it sucks. Not to mention now im without cable and internet. Soo no american idol or superbowl.

 

On a positive note I enrolled at keiser university and as long as I can get my schedule switched at work ill be starting the BA program on monday.

 

Dear journal. I think I love your.

Phrobot

The difference between me and you is that I don't feel sorry for myself. I don't rely on excuses to get me by, I rely on me. If there is a problem I fix it, I don't just treat the symptoms. When I want something I look for ways to get it not for reasons why I can't. When I fall, I get back up even if it takes a minute. I worry about myself and not everybody else. The difference between you and me is that i'm a man and your a boy.

Yes, I'm watchin this damn movie because of you.  Bet you didn't know my first favorite book was my side of the mountain.


This is first time since i found out that i wished it wasn't true.

Just got a promotion!